Asking questions

The more information I have, the easier I find it to get my head around all this.  I have been surprisingly calm waiting for the biopsy results.

Dr S did say to call him anytime I had any questions.  So this morning I asked him the list of questions I’ve been building up over the last day or so.

I know you are going to call me, but do you have the results of the biopsy yet?

They may not be ready by Tuesday, he said.  There’s a fair bit involved and it takes time.  I was thinking of you and we could make an appointment at my Balmain offices on Thursday when the results will definitely be back and which will also much easier for you.  Yes, I agreed, my husband can also come then, but I still really want you to call when you have the results.  Of course.

I still have a loss of sensation, a kind of pins and needles in my left half of my lower lip.  Should that have gone away?  Will it go away?

That is normal, he said.  But it may not go away.  It depends on the pathology and the surgery.  If the tumour is benign aggressive and wrapped around the nerve, then we may need to remove it.  You will get used to it and adapt, he assured me.

I have run out of panadeine forte.  What should I take for the pain?

Two panadol to start, then two nurofen if that is not enough.  Two of each at the same time is fine.  I’d want you to come off the panadeine forte in any case, he said.

I am feeling very tired.  Is that related to the panadeine forte?  Will I feel better on panadol and nurofen?

Yes, the panadeine forte and the anaesthesia from the surgery.  You will probably feel better.

I know you are now thinking it is less likely to be a unicystic ameloblastoma.  I know you can’t say until the biopsy results, but it just helps me to have an idea of the worst case scenario?

I don’t want you to worry.  [etc etc then finally]  The worst case is ameloblastoma, not the unicystic type.  Ah, I said, that is what I had already thought.  And that means resection, bone grafts, etc.  Yes, he said, but we don’t know until we have the biopsy results.

Yes, I don’t like to hear my thinking confirmed.  But I have already read a few ameloblastoma blogs (already linked in on my blogroll) and I have already joined the yahoo ameloblastoma support group.  There’s a facebook page too that Tina from the Renewing Strength blog has set up that I might join.  All this to say that I have a fairly good idea of what might be in store for me.

And I didn’t burst into tears.  Darren gave me a big hug though.

I have only had three bouts of tears so far.  First, telling people in those first raw few days after they found the tumour.

Second, before and during getting the cannula inserted for my general anaesthetic.  (The lovely Dr D held my hand and said perhaps they could get me something calmative for me next time.  Yes, please.)

Third, when my lovely neighbour and husband organised a little present for me: Aesop “Breathless” scented oil and a few other bits and pieces.  Then I balled.  And again on telling my mum about it.  Little presents like that mean so much.  Thinking of it is making the tears well up again now, so enough of this.

Time to start my day.



  1. Here, have another one.

    ((((( K )))))

    I had already trawled through those linked sites, especially the one with all the photos. I am thinking it fortuitous that you like scarves.

  2. Meditation is really great for giving your brain a rest.
    When my husband was diagnosed, I was a bit like you and the more information I had, the more in control and better I felt.
    (Vince didn’t want to know a thing – except his odds! Such a man! But his brain muddled the information and when the doctor told him he had a 25% chance of living, he thought he meant 25% chance of dying! He went right through his treatment thinking that – thank goodness.)
    Anyway, if you fill your head with so much overwhelming information, it’s very difficult to keep that up long term. It’s exhausting. And you need peace so you can heal.
    This particular meditation/relaxation from a UK company isn’t hard-core stuff- coz it would be really difficult to have to learn that at the moment.
    These are downloads – 15-30min long, where you just put your worries aside and rest.
    It’s incredibly restorative.
    And the more frequently you do it, the more beneficial it is (I try to do it everyday).
    There are a heap to choose from.
    I’ve done a 17 part programme with them which I found wonderful and I’ve listened to one or two of the shorter ones.
    These guys really know their stuff, are extremely practical and have such lovely soothing voices (one has an english accent, the other a scottish).
    They are very comforting.
    Their website is a little cheesy and bit off-putting (especially when you stumble across the download for masturbation addiction!!) but don’t let that sway you
    Of course, they charge you for them, but they are relatively cheap.
    I hope you find something in amongst it that can help.

    Oh yeah – they are on facebook too.
    Uncommon Knowledge.

  3. Just a quick note to say I’m thinking of you! Not sure if sending good thoughts works at all… but worth a shot.

    Your writing, as always, is sensational.


  4. This is my favourite of the meditations I have tried – Yoga Nidra – very easy and incredibly relaxing. Whenever I’ve done it in a group class, people have fallen asleep. Its good to do just before going to bed. I have a tape but its a cassette. Happy to lend it if you have a player. I also have a couple of books, one by a teacher I have taken classes with, the other a good basic Teach Yourself to Meditate which you are more than happy to borrow. Julie has my email and phone no. The site below has a short (10 min)guided version of Yoga Nidra. The one I have goes for about 20 mins.

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