Sometimes it overwhelms me.
The unknown, the possible, the dreaded.
I don’t know where to start. Or if to start.
I am inert. I wait. I catch myself thoughtless.
The me I know (and love) would line up the forms, write a to-do list, reply to emails as I get them. Calmly, collectedly, efficiently, effectively. Not yesterday, somehow not yesterday. But maybe today?
It is the relentlessness that is hitting me. The surgery that has seemed so distant, a distant but relentless wave, now seems to be gaining pace. Rushing towards me. Crashing towards me.
Will I know this week? Will it happen this week? Will I feel better when I know?
I like to know. Usually. I still do like to know. I think. Yes, I do want to know. It cannot be worse than this limbo. Can it?
To quote the good doctor Seuss: My mountain is waiting. I must get on my way.