Thank you

Thank you for listening and caring.

And thank you for being overjoyed.

I am quite overwhelmed.

I wanted to reply to all of you but, this time, I have been lost for words.

I am thankful, but not celebratory.

I felt that I was on a merry-go-round that kept turning faster.  And faster.  And faster.

I have been spinning.  My head is still spinning.  I thought I would snap straight back to normal, but I haven’t.

I have been lucky.  So very very lucky.

It’s been all-consuming, as you can imagine.  Your thoughts get ahead of you.

And now it is harder to let go that I had expected.

It is time to stop dwelling.  I do not want to waste my energy on fear.  As overwhelming as that fear was.

Besides, I’m going to need that energy.  Starting tomorrow.  Time to shake it off.

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Comments

  1. Isn’t it just fascinating how goalposts shift during this process. Initially the whole thing seems a disaster, even without it being malignant. Then the possibility of cancer is raised and things take on a whole different meaning. Now that it is not cancer, the option that seemed like such a terrible thing before, now feels like a relief. Maybe the feeling of “It could have been worse” makes what you are still facing somehow easier to deal with.
    I share your relief. And I also share that odd feeling of not being able to let go of “what could have been”. How that is still scary.

  2. MARLIES says:

    WOOHOO, It’s excellent news that it’s not the big C. I’m sure everyone following your blog and family are so relieved. It’s all very emotional even when it’s not happening to you. It’s still a long haul ahead but every victory is worth a victory dance……I’m hearing the “party atheme” and everyone is shuffling………..M

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